Porn Valley Media’s Guest Prognosticators are back for another funfilled season in 2020. There have been a few changes however. Indiana Bones has been replaced by Dan Ferrari and there is less of Suzanne now, but she still hates you just as much. And last year’s prognosticating winner by percentage, Sadie Holmes, brings a brand new pair of breasts to the table. So sit back, relax, and strap it down because the season starts tonight.

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Here we go!!!! For Thursday night I’ll go with Kansas City. Of course on Sunday I’ve gotta go with my LA Rams! Then on Monday let’s go with Pittsburgh and Tennessee for the win.

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Kansas City over Houston … Rams (obviously) over Dallas … Pittsburgh over NY Giants and Denver over Tennessee

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Thursday- Kansas beats Houston, LA over dem boiz, Steelers over giants, Tennessee takes Denver

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Thursday – Kansas City over Houston
Sunday Night – LA Rams over Dallas
Monday Night – NY Giants over Pittsburgh … Denver over Tennessee

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Thursday – Kansas City over Houston
Sunday Night – Dallas over LA Rams
Monday Night – Pittsburgh over NY Giants …. Tennessee over Denver

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Houston @ Kansas City….Super Bowl hangover? Not….take the Chiefs at home!

Dallas @ LA Rams
Hate the Rams uniforms…so take the Cowboys on the road!

Pittsburg @ N.Y. Giants
I will be waving my black and gold towel! Take the Steelers in a rout!

Tennessee @ Denver
This one is a pick’em…so when in doubt I always choose the BIG D! Broncos to cover!

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I’ll go with KC for Thursday night!
Several of my friends will kill me if I don’t go with the Cowboys lol
My childhood team was the Steelers so definitely Pittsburgh over the Giants.
Denver over the Titans because duh.

Week One Record: 0 – 0 Season Record: 0 – 0

I’ll take the Chiefs to win on Thursday.

On Sunday, the I’ll take Cowboys to win, even though the Rams are playing at home. The Cowboys have a great offense this year. They’ve had tough games in the past with the Rams, but I believe they’re going to secure a win.

On Monday, I’ll take the Steelers to win. Steelers are favored to win and factoring in that the Steelers are given less than a touchdown, I think that they can beat the Giants in New York.

I’ll also take Tennessee to win. Not sold on Drew Lock of the Broncos. Derrick Henry is a monster, and Tannehill has been very promising since he left Miami.

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I’ll take:
Houston over Kansas City on Thursday;
LA over Dallas on Sunday; and
Pittsburgh over New York, & Denver over Tennessee on Monday

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Thursday Night – Houston over Kansas City
Sunday Night – LA Rams over Dallas
Monday Night – NY Giants over Pittsburgh … Tennessee over Denver

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I’ll take the Kansas City Chiefs over the Houston Texans; the Cowboys over the Rams; the Steelers over the Giants; and the Tennessee Titans over the Denver Broncos.

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Thursday:
Houston @ Kansas City – Between Deshaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes there will be almost $700 million worth of QB contracts on the field when these two teams collide. To be the best you have to beat the best. Houston isn’t the best. Chiefs 31 Texans 20

Sunday:
Philadelphia @ Washington – Washington gave the head job to Ron Rivera which is a step in the right direction. Washington starts Dwayne Haskins at QB. But becasue of a lack of OTA and preseason games we’ll take the more experienced Eagles in this early season meeting. Eagles 24 Washington 17

Miami @ New England – The Patriots finally wised up are got rid of that bustout Tom Brady as they usher in the Cam Newton era in New England. The Dolphins will start Ryan Fitzmagic to start the season but if the magic ends look for rookie Tua Tagovailoa quickly. New England 27 Miami 20

Green Bay @ Minnesota – Aaron Rodgers was pissed when the Packers drafted Jordan Love in the first round of this year’s draft. He’s problably even more pissed that the Packers didn’t get him any help on offense this off season. Vikings strong point is their defense as long as they have Big Game Kirk Cousins leading that offense. Vikings 24 Packers 21

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville – Gardner Minshew starts for the Jags this year which will make for an entertaining season for the three Jaguar fans still interested in that team. Long-time Chargers QB Philip Rivers now leads the Colts which finished with a 7 – 9 record last year. Colts 31 Jaguars 17

Chicago @ Detroit – Mitch Trubisky was named starter for the Bears as his replacement Nick Foles warms up on the sideline. Detroit coach Matt Patricia better produce a playoff team this year or he may be calling U-Haul in January. Bears 20 Lions 17

Las Vegas Raiders @ Carolina – Former Baylor coach Matt Rhule takes over the head job in Carolina. Going to be a long season for the Panthers. Jon Gruden and Derek Carr need to have great season for the Oakland, Los Angeles, Oakland, Las Vegas Raiders. Raiders 31 Carolina 24

NY Jets @ Buffalo – Expectations for the Jets are low as Adam Gase and Sam Darnold lead them in the 2020 season. The Bills are feeling good about their chances to win the AFC East with most people thinking the Patriots’ better days are behind them. Bills 27 Jets 17

Cleveland @ Baltimore – This could end up becoming an opening season blood bath. Ravens 34 Browns 17

Seattle @ Atlanta – I always get nervous when I read headlines like ‘Dirk Koetter ready to unleash revamped Falcons offense.’ That usually results in the team dropping a giant turd on the field. Seattle is more sound on both sides of the ball. Seahawks 34 Falcons 27

LA Chargers @ Cincinnati – Tyrod Taylor takes over for longtime Chargers QB Phillip Rivers as the Joe Burrow era starts in Cincinnati. Chargers 24 Bengals 20

Arizona @ San Francisco – Jimmy Garoppolo and the 49ers begin their quest to return to the Super Bowl and the Cardinals try to improve on a disappointing season. 49ers 34 Cardinals 20

Tampa @ New Orleans – Time to finally see if all the wheeling and dealing the Bucs did in the off-season starts to pay off. Drew Brees and the Saints still want to prove they’re the best team in the NFC South. Saints 37 Tampa 30

Sunday Night –
Dallas @ LA Rams – Just like every other year, the Cowboys start the season as the most over-hyped team in the NFL.Wunderkind Sean McVay and the Rams posted a 9 – 7 record and missed the playoffs completely. Both teams have a lot to prove this year. Rams 31 Cowboys 27

Monday –
Pittsburgh @ Giants – Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is back after missing all but 2 games last year. Even without their starting QB, the Steelers still managed an 8 – 8 season. It’s Daniel Jones’ Giants team now after Eli Manning was sent packing/retired. Could be a long season for Big Blue. Steelers 27 Giants 17

Tennessee @ Denver – Titans signed defensive end Jadeveon Clowney to go along with an already solid defense and an offense that posted a 9 – 7 record and a playoff berth. Drew Lock leads the Broncos offense after posting a 4 – 1 record. Denver is still young on offense and will have to rely on their defense early. Titans 24 Broncos 20